So I made myself a promise earlier today as I was sleeping the day away. I'm not going to smoke or drink at all during the coming fall semester. I understand that there's no proof that drugs or alcohol effect studying or sleeping habits, or loss of motivation, but I don't care. It's worth a shot, and I've been without mind-altering substances for 19 years of my life, so I think I can go a few months. "Everything in moderation" is a good way of looking at things, but I don't have the confidence to support such a claim. I want my mind to be clear. I want to get straight A's. Hell, it's possible, if not probable. I understand that as well, but eliminating these things from my life can do nothing but help me. That's how I truly feel. So beginning the first day of class, I will stop consuming alcohol and smoking until my last final exam is over.
I guess that's all I really wanted to say. Just wanted this written somewhere so that I can reference it if I somehow find myself in a weakened state, susceptible to influence and peer pressure. I have no doubt it will surround me, but I just. don't. care. School is coming #1 this fall, and I have to prove to myself and others that I can handle this whole college thing.
I'm kind of hungry. Going to grab a quick bite to eat before it's off to bed. (Gotta barricade myself in my room before Mom finds out I've been up all night again. *snickers*)
Two memorable dreams in two nights. Probably a record. I always promised myself I would record my dreams as not to forget them. But these two seem to have stuck out persistently and refuse to escape my short-term memory.
The first, which occurred two nights ago involved my friend Lindsey. The setting was reminiscent to that of the bar I had just recently gone to with my friends for Nickel Beer Night. That night, Lindsey had come up to me as we were leaving telling me that she was also going home, and that she would have to ride with her friends if I was unable to take her home myself. This fact had previously seemed apparent to me, seeing as how I was with my own friends, celebrating my friend's 22nd birthday. The fact that she asked anyway stuck in my mind. Why did she ask? Why did she want me to take her home? (I have plenty of arbitrary, potentially relevant questions regarding Lindsey)
Anyway, that piece of information is what I believe triggered the dream sequence. Now on to the actual dream itself. It was Lindsey and another girl both asking me to come over to their houses later. After some mental debate I chose to go see Lindsey, but when I got to the location where she had told me to go, the other girl was there. I was disappointed. Confused. And then the whole perspective changed and I saw the remainder of the dream from a third-person perspective. I saw Lindsey laying in a drive way, cursing under her breath. I can't remember exactly what she was saying, but the thoughts conveyed to me were that of regret and guilt, as though she regretted giving me false information as to her whereabouts. I could expand on my thoughts of this dream, but I'll leave that for another post.
The second dream involved by friend Paul. He had apparently decided to join the Navy, and I'm pretty sure I was having trouble coping. It was sudden. One day he was just... gone, and I didn't know what to do. I went to my friend Brian's place to hang out, but it felt different. I felt like I was trying waaaay to hard to be better friends with him.
Well, the second one was a little fuzzy anyway. Besides, I'm tired of typing. time to try out some SNES Emulator action here at work. I'm Earthbound. (pun intended)
Don't know that I have anything to talk about specifically. I'm at work on a Saturday. It's cold inside, raining outside, I'm tired, and I have nothing better to do. Dropped another class. Object Oriented Design. I think I went to that class a total of 2 times this entire semester. Can't seem to stay focused. I need to keep repeating that phrase my mom told me to say over and over: "I am a good student". It actually helps. Fills me with confidence.
I got lost coming home from Mallory's party last night. I was falling Berto, and I guess because my contacts were barely staying in I got confused as to which car was his and ended up following some Chevy Impala to the MLK exit off of I-75. From there I somehow managed to travel north on Mango Rd. all the way to Thonotosassa. Amazing. I've never been lost like that before. It wasn't a pleasant experience.
It looks like everyone is coming over to my house tonight to play Mario Kart for the Wii. Should be a lot of fun. Hope my mom doesn't mind. Ugh, "can't wait to move out". So tired of saying that. Shit. Tired of thinking that. I'm not the successful, world-changing businessman I thought I'd be at the age of 22. I'd like to move out. I wonder what my mom would say about that. How could I make her believe that it would be in my best interest? Hmmm... something to think about.
Had a Yoohoo today. It was delicious. Aaaaand I'm out of stuff to talk about. Until next time.
So it's finally 2am and I'm starting to get tired. I'm burning a copy of Gears of War, and dwelling over all the different things I have to do tomorrow. I'll admit that it's all definitely doable, even at this stage in the game, and refuse to consider that I just might be diluting myself. Only time will tell, right?
Tomorrow I have to wake up early, study for my Program Design final. Take the final itself at 3:30pm, then head straight to the Brandon mall to buy a new pair of shoes, then head home to pack for Ireland and finish writing 3 papers. Errr, start writing =\. Anyway, I'm going to do it. Because I know it is doable. And that's all that should matter.
I'll probably stay up just a bit longer to see this game finish burning. I hope it works.
I'm done being friends with Stacey. I removed her, again, from MySpace. Some may argue that it isn't necessary to remove her from MySpace when there are plenty other people that are your friends that you never see. This is true, but Stacey was suppose to be the type of friend that I occasionally did see, especially when you consider how many fucking times we've talked about meeting up, or planned a specific date to do something. It just drives me crazy. It's amazing how much disregard a person can show you when you no longer meet the requirements of being someone close to you. She seems so... selective now. Something I never really saw before.
Anyway, I just needed to vent that because it seemed no one really understood what the hell I was talking about.
Ireland will be great, I know it. It'll be good to get away from everything, even though I sort of don't want to. I will miss hanging out with my friends and playing with my 360, but this is a once in a lifetime oppurtunity, and I'm definitely not going to pass it up.
I'm starting to get lonely. Starting to consider settling. Can't let that happen.
I sincerely hope this image doesn't define my college career.
Well, 4 years have gone by and I seem to be no where close to graduating. I only got accepted into the Computer Science and Engineering Department here at USF last fall, and I probably have at least 3 more semesters to go before I will consider myself even "close" to graduating. It's been a disappointing semester, once again. Dropped a class, looking at C's in 2 of the 4 I'm still enrolled in. I'm actually sitting here staring at a feedback form I'm suppose to submit for my "Cyber Ethics" class. A class with way too many papers and not enough original content to keep my interest.
Man I don't want to do this form...
Other than school, life is pretty good. I'm not struggling with finances anymore since I got my loan money in. Looks like I'm going SCUBA diving this weekend with my dad, followed by my Ireland trip the week after. Can't wait to get away for a while, let alone go over seas. I haven't been on a real vacation in some time.
I am officially quitting the consumption of alcohol and other bad-for-you things. Need to clear my mind, and my sinuses.
God I can't wait to graduate.
About a year ago I had a Composition 2 teacher tell me I was a good writer, and that I should find time in my schedule to take more writing classes. I'm a Computer Engineering major. There's no time in my school schedule to take some b.s. writing class where the teacher tells us what to write about, and where my grade is left up to one individual. I've always found writing classes extremely subjective, and have found resentment for them ever since 8th grade.
So that leads me to why I am writing here, now. No grades, no deadlines, just me typing out my thoughts one sentence at a time.
In order to limit the subjectivity of people who might one day view this p.o.s. blog, I will refrain from giving out my name, where I live, etc. It will be interesting to see how (if anyone) people will view me based purely on writing. I know it happens all the time in the real world, but not to me.
I look forward to writing here. I will write about my dreams, school, work, love, hate, aspirations, and anything else I can't tell anyone for fear of being utterly let down by their lack-luster response. There is no need to curb a statement or discussion in a blog because there is no one I know here. No one on the receiving end of my own meandering thoughts. No need for a mask.
Well that's it for today. I don't feel like diving into the privacy options of this sucker yet, so will therefore not be expanding on the personal details and current events taking place in my life.
It looks like Boots wants out. What a fatty.
